Changing the World

As of recently, I have really come to dislike signing onto Facebook. While I love all the photos of friends getting married, starting families, traveling, hanging with their cool pets, and eating at delicious restaurants, those are not the only things filling up my news feed. Arguments about the correct views on current events and issues that the world is facing, blatant ignorance and hatred through "funny" posts belittling others for their choice of lifestyle, and the destruction of the human bond of compassion between individuals because of their differences. This is what I see more and more. And it makes me what to scream.. and cry. Instead of taking opportunities to educate themselves on the ever-changing world, people are stuck throwing out hatred for what they chose not to believe in. I am a huge supporter of different views. If everyone lived the same, looked the same, acted the same, what a boring and one dimensional life this would be for all of us. How would we grow?

I recently saw someone I love, who is very close to me, post a passive aggressive picture in which belittled one individual's courage to emphasize another's. I got very emotional about this. While I understand and respect our difference of opinions, for me to see such a hurtful and negative post to "get the point across" was baffling to me.

So I started to write. And I wrote and wrote and wrote. I wrote strong words of anger, of opposition, and I felt myself sinking into a very negative space. So I deleted everything and begin to write from a different perspective. I needed to say something. I needed the negativity to stop. I needed to feel like I could change what the world is going through right now. So I started to write as a mother.

I thought about blocking and deleting what bothered me on facebook. But how can I live like that? It's not realistic for me to stop seeing the negative. That doesn't void it out and make it not still very much alive. Being a parent gives me many opportunities to take the negativeness of the world and change it. Even if it's only through one child.

---

Being a parent gives me a chance to raise a human in a really difficult world to be grateful for his opportunities and to also use them to help and encourage others. I can help the universe create an open-minded, strong, and supportive individual, even when.. especially when the world seems to sometimes lack those qualities.

I can help him help others. I can teach him how important it is to respect himself, others, and most of all the earth. His opinions and views are not the only ones filling the world, but if he works hard enough and cares deeply enough, he can use his thoughts, feelings and ideals to make the world a better place.

I can show him how, even though he may not live through certain tragedies, his heart can ache and break with those who are living it. I can let him know it's okay to stand up against something if he truly thinks it is wrong. And more importantly, to stand strongly with those he believes in.

I can hold him when he cries and help him understand when he is angry. I can share tears and laughter with him, and explain how each are very cathartic. I can show him how a hug can heal and a smile can save.

I can show him that family is not just made of blood, but of a lifetime of bonds.

I am able to teach him that judgement is not for him to give, or for him to take to heart. That education is one of the strongest tools he will be given. And that his heart is the strongest thing he will be able to give.

I can tell him that love and acceptance do not come with terms and conditions.

I can encourage him to be brave in whatever it is he needs to do, and let him encourage others in their own bravery.

I can show him that life takes people to all different places, and when another's path crosses his, to cherish it. It may join him for a while or remain a quick crossroad he goes through; I can teach him how both are equally just as important.

I can teach him not only to say "thank you," but to feel truly thankful.

I can try to help him understand when sometimes people hurt one another. This one will be something him and I continue to learn the rest of our lives.

But most importantly, I can show him he has a voice, and that his life will reflect how he chooses to use it.

---

Ok, buddy, let's go. We are going to change the world.

Excuse me? What did you say?

I shouldn't judge any one else's parenting. Obviously I'm not perfect either. Vedder still sleeps with me every night. Every. Night. He eats only bow tie pasta for lunch and dinner every day. Every. Day. And probably 100 other things that I do "wrong" or differently than other parents. So I try really hard not to judge. 

This is so difficult for me. Mainly because I was a teacher before being a mom, so judging parents was like part of the job. Now being a parent I realize, this shit ain't easy. 

However, one way to get me to judge you real fast as a parent is letting me hear the way you speak to your child. I am far from calm and cool all the time. But if ANYTHING, the way I parent can be described in one quote :

"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice." 

So you can imagine my judgement when I heard a mom say to her maybe ten year old son, "Stop whining. Jeez. You should have been a girl with all the complaining you do." 

Umm what? Mom, you are a woman, which means you were once a girl. So this type of statement is baffling to me. However, the more I thought about it the more infuriated I became. Not only does this statement make your son feel inferior, it makes him feel so because it states that the opposite sex in a way is inferior. In a world where gender identity and equality is still so not equal, I am so confused as to why a parent, especially a mother, would put such a bold and loaded statement like this into her child's brain. Now the whole whining aspect is not what I am concerned about. Do I know women who whine? Plenty! I am a whiner myself. Do I know men that do it as well? Tons! Whining is not the issue here, Dude. 

The issue is that some parents don't realize the extent of what they say and how it may resonate throughout the rest of their child's life. Saying this type of thing to your son will now give him the feeling that he has the right to say this to others. Like other women. Or other men. Continuing the cycle that girls are inferior to boys because they whine and boys that whine aren't men and no one is equal. 

This may seem like a long stretch to some but it is statements like this why we as a society don't see everyone as equal. I have had children in my class refuse to play with toys because they were a certain color. "Pink is for girls. You can't play with that." "I can play with this baby because he has a blue shirt on right? So that means this baby is for boys to play with?" Really. I come across these comments/questions more often than you can imagine. Three and four year olds gender stereotyping toys, and essentially categorizing each other as different instead of equals. Three and four year olds! No child comes to their own conclusion of colors identifying gender at this young of an age. It is all implanted thoughts from their environment. 

We, as parents, are our child's first and most important teacher. The way we live our lives, the way we treat others, the beliefs we have, our children see all of these things and look up to them. The way we talk to our children is the way they will learn to talk to others.  

Like I said, I am far from a perfect parent. There is no such thing. But one thing I vow to do it alway encourage him (and every student that enters my classroom) to express his feeling and himself as he sees fit and for him to always encourage others to do the same. I like to think that one day, kind words, encouragement and acceptance will become the norm and everything else will just seem silly.