A month ago, I was anxiously waiting for my son to arrive. And as I talked to friends, coworkers, and family about my plans for delivery and motherhood all I heard were words of encouragement and positive vibes. Now as my son turns one month old on Thursday, I wish loved ones had given me a little bit more of a realistic idea of it all.
Throughout my pregnancy, everyone just told me the "good," how the miracle of life is so amazing and each kick and movement is just the most beautiful feeling. No one told me the "bad," that I would have a foot lodged in my rib for five weeks straight and that restless leg syndrome would also affect my arms and only allow me to sleep 45 minutes at a time for the last four months of my pregnancy. And if during that last month one more person was to tell me to "get sleep now, because you won't be sleeping once he's born," I was going to lose it!! However these few "bad" things ((along with many others)), no one talked about. And if I brought them up, most people just tried to steer the conversation to more postivie topics, like how I carried pregnancy so well. Truthfully, one of the only things I found to be so beautiful about pregnancy was that I could eat a pint of ice cream everyday for nine months and still "carry pregnancy so well."
Normally in my life I am a very happy person who only likes to surround herself with the most positive energy. So when I started hating being pregnant I thought there was something wrong. I would cry at 3 AM walking around my apartment, trying to get the tingling to leave my arms and legs while I watched the clock tick down to 6 AM when I would cry even harder thinking, "How am I going to get through this work day?" Not to mention the heartburn that was so bad I was vomiting at least twice a night. The worst thing, however, was the ridiculous rush of hormones clouding all rational thoughts, especially about my marriage. Whoever said "sex during pregnancy is amazing," was clinically insane. I could barely keep my eyes open at 8 PM to even hold a conversation with my husband, never mind anything else. And who is supposed to feel all sexy and in the mood when you're 40 lbs heavier, nauseous, and being kicked from the inside out. But due to these lovely hormones running through my head I for sure thought this amazing, caring, and patient husband of mine was looking for love somewhere else. Crazy, right?? But all of these unspeakable feelings of pregnancy can make a girl go crazy!!
I was afraid of all these "bads" because no one warned me. So when no one would admit to me its not all rainbows and butterflies, I seriously thought something was wrong with me. I thought I was going to be a bad mother. What I found to be even more surprising was that after my son was born, EVERYONE was willing to talk about the good, the bad, and the baby.
I decided to start writing this blog because I found myself doing what I hated, sugarcoating this miracle of life for all of my friends who are currently expecting. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love being a mother. It is one of the most amazing feelings in the world when my son is sleeping so peacefully in my arms. So I am finding it very theraputic to write about all of the fears and triumphs of this journey called motherhood, and I hope that my blog can only help other friends realize their not alone within their own pregnancy peaks and pits.