Friday, June 10, 2016

Dear Sons, I want you to use your white privilege.

To my two white, middle-class sons: 

You may not have any clue what is going on right now in the world. Well, I can guarantee it. Mainly because one of you is only 4.5 years and the other one is waiting eight more weeks to come into the world. However, what you both may feel is Mumma's stress and worry. I want to apologize for that, but I can't. Actually, I won't. I am upset and sad and angry and worried about many different things going on right now. 

I'm upset that we are beginning to live in a country where crimes and complete bigotry are not only overlooked but acceptedly  practiced by those fighting to gain power. I'm upset that no matter how loud the public yells for help and acceptance, it struggles to be heard over the hatred and ignorance. I am sad that certain people feel the need to turn to violence and rioting in order to get seen and acknowledged. I am angry that young children all over are being left so far behind in education and essentially blamed for not being able to afford anything better. And that older children have no choice but to begin their lives so far in debt to pay for a further education. I am angry that women's health and rights are used only to the media's advantage when it creates headlines and controversy, rather than actual justice and safety. I am worried that I won't be able to teach you two enough about acceptance, compassion, and humanitarianism because of all the doubt, greed, and humiliation that fills our screens. 

The normal instinct of a parent is to shield a child from all of this. But I cannot do that.  I will not do that. I won't because you need to learn that these things are not acceptable. That injustice, bigotry, and hatred do not have to win. These things can be changed. I will raise you to become the change. Things like sexism, inequality, racism, etc. may not personally affect you. You are privileged to be white, middle-class males. But that is where your privilege comes in. Because these things may not affect you daily, you need to use your power to help those that it does. You will be surprised what has personally affected your mumma, your aunts, your family, your friends, and your community.  

I will not raise you to be "blind" to color, sexual orientation, or to anything else going on in the world. Being "blind" means more than not seeing; in most cases, it means ignoring. It means you also won't see the injustices or the beauty. I want you to fully see it all; to see, celebrate and feel deeply for it all. 

You too will get angry and upset at the unfairness of the world at points. And this is ok. In fact, it is great. Get angry and upset! Stand up for those whose voices are going hoarse from their screaming. Yell loudly to help them be heard. Believe in something and do not let those holding the power to silence you. You are a power. Use that to make it safe for your friends and family to walk down the street without being shamed. Use that to make sure the earth grows greener because you are living in it. Use your power to stand up for even those who have different views and life styles than you. Use it to make this world a more productive, educational, and equal place for all. 

I love you both so much. Now please go and spread that love. 


Monday, February 1, 2016

To our second child, I didn’t want you.

To our second child, I didn’t want you.

To be honest, I never imagined having any children. However, when I got pregnant with your brother, I realized there was a hole in my heart that only a child could fill. And I only needed one child to fill it.

I have always been a one-and-done mama. This is not something I am ashamed to admit to you. Or to anyone. That hole, void, that I didn’t even know existed has been filled for the past four years. Over-filled is actually a better description. Your brother has filled my heart so much that on most days it feels like it could burst!

Your dad, however, has felt much differently. He has nothing less than begged for you for the past four years. Then he got your brother on board.

I soon realized that even though my void had been filled, and what I found balance in as a trio, was not our reality. There were still holes that needed filling in their hearts. It became clear that there wasn’t a perfect balance anymore. There was longing and a need for you.

While I maybe didn’t want you, it is obvious now that we need you.

So now you’re here. Well, here with me, and soon to be with everyone else in a few months. And this whole journey has made me so confused. I thought everything was perfect, but then it didn’t seem like it anymore. I thought life was balanced, but then it seemed off. We have grown to have a routine as a trio, and now we will have a new reality to get used to. I also thought my heart was filled, but now I feel like the Grinch. My heart is growing and growing and sometimes I’m not sure I can handle it. I feel like the day I hold you it will most definitely burst.

To our second child, I need you.

I need you to set the balance right again. I need you to fit in the place where something went missing. I need you to complete our family. I need you to love, hold, kiss, and grow. Most importantly, I need to thank you for the hope you have brought to us now, and the adventures you will bring to us soon.

To our second child, I love you, and we cannot wait to meet you soon. 


Our littlest Lang, "Baby Beijo," is due to join us in August 2016.