Monday, February 23, 2015

Sometimes I look like Kanye.

I am not a huge fan of Kanye, but I cannot think of a better way to describe the look on my face every time someone asks me when I am going to have another child.

Better yet, when they tell me why I cannot have just one child. 

I get told this a lot. 

It is amazing to me how many people, especially women who are already mothers, have such a strong opinion on the subject. It's bad enough I have a male dominated government deciding what should or shouldn't happen to my body. Now women are trying to take that choice away from me too. From coworkers to family to friends to complete strangers. Literally everyone has an opinion on the vacancy of my uterus. 

And I get it. The concerns and comments only come from a place of love. 
But so does my decision to have one child. I have to defend this choice to so many people. Including my husband. 

My omission of wanting a second child is due to many different things. And I find myself having to go through this checklist with everyone that thinks "Vedder CANNOT go through life without a sibling."  

First, I don't want another kid. To be honest, I never saw myself as a mother in the first place. But things happen. I  am now the mother of one of the most kick-ass kids ever! (I may be biased.) And I'm totally cool with that. I love being his mumma. My heart is so overwhelmed sometimes knowing this child loves me so much and so unconditionally. It's great! It's completely enough for me. 

Second, I live in NYC. I know many families here that do have two or more children here in the city, and I give more power to them. I do not have that power. Nor do I have that money. 

Third, big changes are coming for me career wise. I absolutely do not think it selfish at all knowing that having another child may keep these changes from happening. It's the truth. I would be putting my dreams on hold to have another kid. I'm not ready to make that sacrifice. I am perfectly ok with admitting that and feeling that way. I'm not ready to wait another few years to make these dreams happen.  They are happening now, and they will work around my family trio, and I couldn't be more thrilled. 

Finally, I have health issues surrounding reproductive organs. I have had endometriosis since I was a teenager and was just recently diagnosed with PCOS. I feel like yelling at women "You know those labor pains you felt? Yeah, they were nothing compared to what I feel monthly." But I don't (well, writing it, I guess now I do). In the next few months I will be making decisions that may keep me from being able to conceive in the near future. But that's for another time, maybe another post. 

For all of these reasons and more, I don't need the comments that I am depriving my child of a best friend. Have you met my child? He could make friends with a wall. (He takes after his mama like that.) 

I know that children, the number of or lack there of, will always be a topic among women, family, adults, or just people in general. I know everyone feels differently on the subject. My husband and I are two of those people. It's not as easy topic in our house. But like all families, we will work through it. 

(At the same time, I totally see the irony in myself when a friend tells me they're expecting their third or fourth kid and my reaction is to laugh and say "Good luck with that!") 

A family is not measured by how many people are in it. It can be three, four, five, or more. It can also be just two and I have the utmost respect for those families as well. A family cannot be measured at all because each one is so different. They are all made many different ways. The only common ingredient in all families is love. And that is really all that matters. 

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